Mike's Toybox

I had never played with this group before, and I haven’t seen any of them since. The group had been playing for a few sessions already, so already I was at a disadvantage: joining a new RPG group, and being the New Kid in an established party. The DM said I could be any class or alignment I wanted, because he liked to see frictional group dynamics.

“What do we have so far?” I asked.

“There’s a lawful-good fighter, a chaotic-good wizard, a neutral-good ranger, and a true-neutral thief. They don’t have a healer yet and could probably use one.”

“Okay, I’ll be the cleric. And I’ll also be lawful-evil.”

So this group of heroes was tasked with entering the magical labyrinth of a terrible magic-user to find a genie for some such reason, and the only healer they could charter was Malice the Scheming Bitch-Cleric From an Evil Temple (aka me), who from Minute One had the rest of the party on proverbial leashes. At one point we came to a four-way intersection in the labyrinth: when the entire party was in the intersection, the way behind us sealed shut. So we were left with three directions to choose from, all wreathed in blackness, all unexplored. We’d been in this fortress of doom with no windows all day, and the party chose this moment to argue about how to tell what time of day it was, so we’d have a timetable to sleep by.

“Here’s what we’ll do,” my wicked cleric lady said very matter-of-factly. “When I am tired, it will be nighttime. When I wake, it will be daytime. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” the rest of the party moaned in unison.

Then it came time to choose a direction. The fighter was as dumb as fighters come, and started throwing warhammers down each direction to see how far the corridors went.

First hallway: WHUP WHUP whup whup whup…CLANK

Second hallway: WHUP WHUP whup whup whup… WHACK (snarl of pain, followed by three pissed-off minotaurs)

Thanks to the minotaurs, my cleric lost one of her braids, for which the thief kept mocking her endlessly (at least until she rolled to punch him and knocked him out for an hour).

Normally I don’t like evil characters or evil parties, because they just boil down to an excuse to be a douchebag. In this case, though, it was pretty fun.